Case in point.  Laura thinks that there are certain things her husband should be doing.  Husband is not doing the things the wife, namely Laura, thinks he should be doing.  Wife Laura knows that nagging will not get her anywhere, so she nags God instead.  “Dear God, please make my husband desire to do XYZ.  Please God, I really think these are great things to be done, but Brandon doesn’t see the urgency.  God, what is the point in waiting?  GOD!  Wake my husband up.”

Unfortunately, instead of God convicting the husband, He convicts Laura.  Well, it probably isn’t unfortunate, that’s probably good, considering it is coming from God, but still….  Anyway… God says, “Laura, perhaps there is a reason your husband is not doing the things you think he should be doing.  Perhaps it is not the time, perhaps these aren’t really things that need to happen now.  You don’t know the whole story.”

Yes, it’s true, Laura, who happens to be me, can’t insist on my own way as if that is the only way to do things.  There is also God’s way.  So I’m learning that instead of praying “God, show Brandon to do these things!” my prayer must be “God, whatever You are calling Brandon to do, I pray that he would respond.  And yes…I realize that what you may be calling him to do may be different than my agenda.”

I know that I don’t want unbelief to be apart of my Christian walk, I want to see and experience Jesus do mighty works.  So how do I get rid of unbelief?  I think that it starts with seeing Jesus as divine, as more than just a man.  Because if I see Him as divine, then I will have the ability, the belief, to trust Him when He calls me to do tough things.

It’s funny that this is the second time I’ve posted about the series the Bachelor and the Bachelorette.  These aren’t shows that I follow, but something about their content always intrigues and confuses me.  Perhaps it’s because I’m such a recent newlywed.  I’m intrigued that a man or woman could have the opportunity to chose a mate from several dozen eager participants.  And I’m confused that the man or woman is able to properly chose a mate amongst TV sets, hype, excotic vacations, and sexual pressure.  Evidently, very few men or women have been able to properly chose as the success rates for the shows aren’t very high.

Which further intrigues me.  Why would someone want to sign up for a show with such a low success rate.  I suppose each candidate assumes that a breakup won’t happen to them.

Well I wish Jillian and Ed the best.  But I have to say there is definitly something to be said for a simple friendship that evolves into a relationship and then naturally moves to marriage.

While many of the stories Horwitz shares are humorous, he also unflinchingly shares the grim, dirty details of the third world countries he visits such as Iran, Sudan, and Yemen.  I just finished the chapter on Sudan, and as I read his accounts of the men, women, children, babies starving to death in a war ravaged country, I felt ashamed of my own country.  We aren’t starving, and our trashcans are certainly not starving either…

I know that I am guilty of wasteful eating, whether it is going out to eat and leaving my half eaten meal to be dumped by the busboy, or forgetting to eat the leftovers from a home cooked meal.  And its not just wastefully using the food in my own house, it’s a wasteful society.  Do you know that food stores (at least in Colorado) are required to toss dented cans?  Or that expired food in the grocery store is simply tossed in the garbage?  I have friends that cut their grocery bill in half by visiting grocery store dumpsters and retrieving this tossed food.  The food hasn’t gone bad, generally food is still good several days past the experation date.

This is just a small sample of how we wastfully eat, I’m sure that you could think of a hundred more.  We are so picky about our food that half of it ends up in a dumpster, enough food that could probably feed an entire country of refugees.  I’m not calling you to feel guilty about this, I’m just thinking that we could all probably practice a bit of food conservation in thankfulness that we have such a bounty we can afford to feed our trashcans.

Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend who just went through a break-up.  Her boyfriend texted her that he was no longer interested.  What’s painful is that he did not have the nerve to look her in the face and explain his change in feelings.  What’s more painful is that she had her heart, her hopes, and dreams, wrapped up in this man, and she has been left breathless.

I was reminded of Psalms 127:1-2 which says “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.  It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; for so He gives His beloved sleep.”  This verse does not say, “if you don’t make something happen, your dreams will be forever gone.”  Rather, the Lord builds the house.  The Lord guards the city.  The Lord builds your future, the Lord guards your dreams.

So, beloved, sleep.  Rest.  Be filled with peace that you don’t have to strive to make your dreams happen.  Rather, place them in the care of the Lord, the only one who can make it happen.

I suggested to my husband, Brandon, that we go on a fast food treasure hunt.  We would glean greasy globs off of the dollar menus at four different restaurants; McDonald’s, Sonic, Taco Bell, and Burger King.  You are probably thinking “that sounded like fun to them?”  Yes it did, thank you, it was my spontaneous moment of genius, and growing up depraved of fast food, there is a certain awe-inspiring mystery that envelops these coves of calories we call fast food restaurants.

At Sonic we ordered two ice creams, 99 cents each.  At McDonald’s he got a cheeseburger, 99 cents, and I got fries, 99 cents.  At Taco Bell my husband craved the 7 layer nachos (also knows as 7 layers of digestive death), 97 cents, and I ordered a soft shell taco and a small nachos, both of which were somewhere around 80 cents.  And finally, at Burger King, Brandon ordered fries at another 99 cents, and I finished off the bill with a spicy chicken sandwich and chicken fingers, both 99 cents.  Yes, I realize that we could have saved a lot of money if we had just gone to the park and eaten dirt.  In Brandon’s words, “besides all the things that aren’t healthy for you, fast food is really healthy.”

We had fun along the way though.  There is nothing like a good spontaneous moment to lighten the stress of any day.  We made up silly stories about ice cream boats and maidens in distress, talked about the events of our day, and just plain enjoyed each other’s company.  With a merry distraction, the stressful events of the day melted away.  We arrived back home with a tummy ache and gratefully marked “Dining at Four Different Fast Food Restaurants in a Night” off of our list of future goals and ambitions.

While I hardly recommend a fast food restaurant for your dining pleasure, just for the record, Burger King’s dollar menu is far superior to any of the other restaurants we visited, and their fries are slightly more edible than McDonald’s.

Perhaps a feeding frenzy is not on your menu for merry moments, but I do encourage you and your family to have a spontaneous moment this weekend.  Sometimes a moment of complete abandon is necessary for keeping one’s sanity.  The Bible says that a merry heart is like medicine (Prov. 17:22).  It seems that too often our days are filled with more “stress” moments than “merry” moments.  Often after a long day, no one feels like trying to make merry.  Let me encourage you to try a “spontaneous” moment as a way to increase merry moments.  My example of a spontaneous moment may not be very inspiring, but there are a number of activities that are far cheaper than my escapade, and are sure to bring a smile to faces all around.

Ideas: (remember, a spontaneous moment can’t be planned, but when you need such a moment, here are some ideas to keep in the back of your mind)

Swing in the park

Admire the stars from a rooftop, design your own constellation

Find a product for every letter of the alphabet at Wal-Mart

Play a round of hide and go seek in the dark

Name all the fish in a tank at a pet store

Read a Dr. Seuss story

Make wishes for each other

Please post your ideas for a spontaneous moment!

We survived our wedding!

eloquent proposal.  And then speak your vows to each other in a magical wedding celebration.  Last summer, on July 30th, my knight in shining armor creatively disguised his proposal into a board game we were playing and presented me with a sparkling ring.  That dream came true.  But then came the hard part…planning a magical wedding.  As I stood in Barnes and Nobles, surveying their extensive collection of wedding planning books, the magic in my wedding was suddenly replaced with an overwhelming amount of planning.

Before I knew it, there were disagreements, complications, and too many expenses.  I didn’t want to plan a wedding, I didn’t want the hassle or head ache, I just wanted to go to the courthouse and get married.  Only the childhood wedding of a beautiful wedding day in my pretty white dress carried me through.  That and since my fiance was deployed in Iraq, so the courthouse option wasn’t an option.

I think that what helped save shreds of my sanity was having the mindset of what was ultimately important.  The sucess of my marriage, and your marriage, is not dependent on the perfect dress, the cute little bridesmaid shoes, or the chocolate torte the caterer serves at the reception.  I know that it was easy for me to get caught up in a lot of details, feeling that if I didn’t have the right jewelry, somehow my wedding day would not be as glamorous.  Girlfriend, you will be a beautiful bride regardless if your jewelry is from Claire’s or from Kay’s.  The success of your wedding depends on the spirit of your wedding.

For example, I opted for my bridesmaids to wear black dresses.  A few years ago I had heard of a bride choosing black dresses for her bridesmaids, and I thought that was just too weird.  Surely black couldn’t be lucky at a wedding.  But when a friend of mine got married, she had her bridesmaids pick out black dresses and her wedding looked really classy and elegant.  So I decided to do the same.  By doing this, I was saved from 1) spending time choosing a style I liked, 2) coordinating a time for my bridesmaids to be fit, 3) ordering the dresses, 4) dealing with disgruntled bridesmaids (for anyone who has been a bridesmaid, you know what I’m talking about).  This also saved my bridesmaids from 1) spending a lot of money on a dress (one of my bridesmaids found a dress for $25), 2)they had a dress they could actually re-wear, and 3) they could choose a dress they felt pretty in and choose the dress in their own time. The only other thing I did for my bridesmaids attire was pick out necklaces at Kohls.  I saved myself the trouble of picking matching shoes, hairstyles, and a mountain of coordinating time.

Instead, I could focus on what really mattered, the spirit of the wedding.  The spirit being that Brandon and I wanted God to be the third strand in a three fold strand, and the solemness of our vows.

Too many brides feel that the success of their wedding depends on choosing the perfect bridesmaid dress, matching shoes, and elaborate jewelry.  But by realizing that your wedding is not about all these things, but rather about making a life long commitment, then by eliminating nonessential details, you will find yourself enjoying your wedding a lot more. You will also be able to pour more energy into focusing on making God part of your marriage and more energy into understanding what a life long commitment looks like.

Of course, there is time that must be spent in planning a wedding, and there are various aspects of the wedding that

may be really imporant to you.  I know for me, having activities during the reception was really important to me.  And coordinating that took some time.  So don’t feel like you are loosing the spirit of your wedding if you are spending time planning five different desserts.  But if you are getting bogged down in wedding details, if you are feeling overwhlemed by too many options, or if you are starting to feel frantic about the success of your wedding day, take a step back and ask yourself what is really important.  Then, be willing to let go of what isn’t really important.

I could never have made many of my wedding arrangements on my own and would have had to pay several hundred dollars to hire somone to make them for me. Fortunately a lady in my church volunteered her time and talent to create this and many other arrangements for me!

I was also blessed by the woman who offered to do my cake as a wedding gift, to the woman who volunteered her decorating skill, the women who volunteered their time to assist my caterer, and my girlfriend who acted as wedding coordinator on the day of my wedding.  These were all people that I would have had to pay if they had not been willing to volunteer their time and skills.

I realize that many people cater weddings or do photography as their livelihood, and I’m not suggesting that you volunteer your time to everyone.  But if you know a bride on a tight budget, consider making your service available for free or for a reduced cost.  During this time of economic distress, we all need to come alongside each other.  And for a bride on a budget, your time will probably be the greatest blessing to her, just as it was to me.

The ways to volunteer are endless.  Dress alteration, decorating, cooking, taking photos, helping organize, opening up your home for wedding guests to stay in, cleaning, running errands, these are just a few ways to help out a bride!

Our engagement photo

I consulted a friend who had  a 3 month engagement herself, and I asked her how that worked out.  She said that it was the best thing she and her husband did.  One, because once they were engaged, they just wanted to tie the knot and so pre-wedding temptations were dramatically reduced, and two, because 3 months gave them the perfect amount of time to plan the details of a wedding that were important to them, but also, the 3 months limited them from planning a lot of nonessential details that would have potentially created a lot more frustration and head ache.

As it worked out, I did return overseas 2 months, and 3 months ended up being the perfect amount of time to plan what I wanted to plan and prevented me from getting bogged down in nonessentials.  While 3 months is a very short time to plan, if you are just focusing on the bigger details and not getting caught up in a lot of smaller details, then you will find that 3 months is plenty of time.

By nonessentials, I mean things that aren’t really important to you.  For example, it was not important to me to have fancy hand made party favors like Martha Stewart’s magazine “Weddings” feature.  Lots of  decorations weren’t important to me either.  However, if there had been more time for me to plan, I can see that I would have been tempted to get caught up in these details, thinking that it would make my wedding “more perfect.”  But instead I would have been frustrated with the extra expenses, the time and labor spent in shopping and crafting, and the potential disasters that could arise (these sequines just will not stick to the cardboard…).

I realize that every couple is different, and often there are extenuating circumstances that make it impossible for a short engagement.  But I encourage you to prayerfully consider the benefits of  a short engagement.  I believe that a significant amount of wedding stress is elimenated by limiting your planning, as well as the stress that comes from just being engaged.

I have found that God often gives me a “theme” song for whatever season of life I am in. When I was 16 and my family moved to Pennsylvania, God gave me the song “Calmer of the Storm” by DownHere. When I was struggling with depression, “Only Hope” by Switchfoot touched me again and again. And when Brandon was deployed, I was encouraged by the song “I’m Already There” by Lonestar (see Remembering).

Once, while dating a guy in college, I found myself struggling with those all too familiar feelings of inadequacy. I wasn’t pretty enough, smart enough, clever enough, friendly enough, you probably know what I’m talking about. One day, as I poured my heart out to God about my failings, the song “Beautiful” by Vineyard came on.

I was brought to tears as the lyrics poured over me. The chorus could be considered one of those obnoxious modern songs where the words are just repeated again and again and again. But the repeat of “You are beautiful, beautiful, You are beautiful, beautiful, so beautiful” was soothing as I felt God speaking to me that I was beautiful.

Technically, the song is about how beautiful Jesus is and how we long for Him. But God used those words as His microphone to affirm to me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and that I could embrace who I was, because I was created by God. That I was beautiful.

I once looked up the meaning of the word “fearfully” as it is used in Ps. 139:14 because I didn’t understand how God could design us to be full of fear. In the original Hebrew, however, the word fearfully represents having such a deep respect for a person that we would not dare to speak a word against him/her. Because we are God’s creation, extraordinarily designed in His image, then we have no place to criticize ourselves. We should have such a profound respect for ourselves that we would not dare speak a negative word against God’s creation.

Of course, we all have our sinful failings that need transformation. But there is a difference between a failing to uphold God’s commandments and criticizing ourselves for not being something that we think we ought to be (ex, smarter, prettier, kinder).

Today I just want to encourage you by saying you are a beautiful woman. Perhaps not a worldly version of pretty (you know what I mean, the pictures of Miss Perfect on the cover of the magazines in the checkout line), but you are so wonderfully made that you should not, and I certainly should not, dare to speak a critical word against God’s creation. You are His creation made in the image of Himself. And we know that God is a much more extraordinary image of beauty than the long lashes and big boobed women of the world we compare ourselves to. You are beautiful. You are so beautiful. Beautiful.

Listen to “Beautiful” here